It's time to start again.
And I'm not just saying that because I moved. I'm saying that because I feel like everything in my life is different, and I'm trying to just plain keep going. I need a lot of things, most of which I really don't want to discuss here. Mostly, I could use a new direction -- something to set goals for and to move towards and work for that isn't watching all the seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in three weeks.
Thank god for old connections. See, this past year, I wasn't. . .oh what's the word. . .intellectually challenged hardly at all. Oh sure, I had a ton of mental stress, but I emphasize now that it is not quite the same deal. I mean, I read. Sure, I read. But I didn't read a whole lot that I would say furthered my professional education. Maybe one or two books, but even then I don't really remember any too much like that. So when one of my old professors mentioned to me in March that maybe we could do an independent study come summer, and then when I suddenly had plenty of time to spare on my hands, I thought: "Yes! This is it! I am ready to start thinking and learning again!"
So here I am, talking about how excited I am to start being ultra dorky again. The topic of the "class" is essentially nation and migration, particularly concerning the Indian diaspora in other parts of the Imperial Commonwealth, preferably pre-20th century. The reason I want to know about this is because I know that Indian upper middle class men sent their promising (or not so promising coughGandhicough) sons to Britain to be educated. But what about everybody else? And what about the people who stayed in Britain? The founder of Pakistan lived and worked quite happily as an adult in the UK for like fifteen years. And what about their fathers? Did they go to school in Britain too? Anyhow, I want to know about these things. And if I can get grad school credit somehow, all the better.
On the other hand, I'm going to need something to read aside from academic books (or else my brain will be fried). And as much as I'm enjoying sitting so much on our giant and hugely comfortable couch, methinks my waistline will not forgive me for doing that all summer. So, I have picked out fun books in an attempt to get me out from in front of the TV and then maybe that will prompt me to get off my butt and go run around in Flagstaff a bit. I'm still working on Bleak House (gimme a break, it is a summer project), and I just picked up The Folded Earth, which should prove to be like an Arundhati Roy book except it's by a lady named Anuradha Roy. I know, I definitely had to look up and see if they were related. Here's something funny -- this page put a red squiggly line under the second name but not the first. Weird.
So I guess what I'm saying is while everything around me is churning with change I am trying desperately to hold onto something familiar that I'm good at: school. And Backstreet Boys. Or, more loosely, the good ol' songs that I love and listen to ALL THE TIME. And my hubby. He must get annoyed at me sometimes because there are definitely days where I'm like a leech, just hanging onto him for dear life. I am ridiculously lucky he is so supportive or I would've given up on the entire move thing last week, would've shelled out the extra cash to break my lease, and high-tailed it back to the Valley. Let's be honest. But having someone to stand next to you and hold your hand really helps. It grounds you and let's you be brave.
And I will be brave. I will stick out the tough times and I will hang on to what's beautiful and happy and I will be just fine. That's my new mantra. Well, okay, I have a lot of mantras, but that's the one for this week. That, or "oatmeal raisin cookies are delicious".
P.S., my computer crashed hardcore this past weekend. And when I say "crashed," I mean it crashed onto the bathroom floor and bent the harddrive completely out of whack. Yes, I am a bad computer mommy. Since then, I have had to rename my computer. It is temporarily renamed "Bernard" (it was "Bernadette") but somehow I don't think that's right. It's like I gave my computer a sex change, but I didn't. I gave it a new soul, not new naughty bits. So the search for a new name kind of continues. I'm toying with "Gunther" but mostly I think this computer is a bit of an old lady. Perhaps "Olive". Yeah, I kinda like Olive. Olive, I love you. Hahahahaha.